I’m back! I slept! I went grocery shopping! I’m safely home! It’s New Year’s Eve! Indulge in exclamation points!
Oh, come on, you KNOW “Happy New Year” is an oxymoron, right? So, ditch the “Happy” and go for “Crazy!” Crazy is so much better. Suddenly, there’s no longer any pressure to be right or correct or productive. No one dares ask you to do much of anything because, well, hey, “she’s the crazy one!”
Crazy is much more fun. Spend a few minutes in a grocery store talking to the produce lady about bananas… “I only need three; they spoil so quickly.” “Oh, but they are so good for you,” she told me. “I wouldn’t know. They’re for my dog.” Bananas – 78 cents a pound, the look on that lady’s face – priceless!
Climb the bottom two shelves of the milk department (I’m 5’3″) to reach the last tiny carton of whipping cream. Not happening (and why are the tiny cartons way up there in the stratosphere? Men don’t know how to use whipping cream, so why is it up out of a woman’s reach?). Glance behind you at the muffled laughter as a polite young lady of the Asian persuasion attempts to help you. Hey, she had the extra two inches we needed to find ANOTHER tiny carton hidden behind mine. High-five each other to random applause and raised eyebrows…yeah, crazy’s good!
Compliment the cashier. Today’s girl had a lovely hair style, so I complimented her. She patted her do, saying, “But I only had time to brush it.” “Brushing’s good; it’s so smooth and shiny.” I whipped off my hat. “I have demented poodle meets light socket hair. Wanna trade?” *cackle, snort* Shuffle away…but, she was laughing!
My apologies for last night’s blog, but I’m feeling much better now! (Night Court, loved John Astin, loved that show!) Or maybe the pain pills are finally working…
Have a Crazy – okay – Happy New Year, Everyone! 😀