Freeing the voices in my head

Posts tagged ‘Bathroom’

Aww…Poop!

There are some days when I just know I am not going to get any proper writing done.  Life is full of distractions and today’s distraction is…poop!

I wonder what started it?  Was it yesterday’s ongoing cleaning of the fridge by eating all the leftovers?  Was it a few too many (okay, possibly ten) cups of coffee?  Maybe it was cookies, fried mushrooms, and crunchy cheetos…yeah, 3 am snack after karaoke.  Oh, it isn’t just me.  Son is having a poopy day, too.  That wouldn’t be a problem – this house does have two bathrooms.  But no, we made the mistake of letting the dogs help us rid the house of leftovers.  (Yeah, yeah, I know, the so-called experts are freaking: “Ooo, never feed your pets People food!”  Eh, frack off, ya idjits.  Been doing it for years; our pets are healthier than we are and live longer than most people do!)

So, we are all in the bathrooms/out in the yard every fifteen minutes.  Even this would be all right, if, if, we were all pooping at the same time.  But no, as soon as I’m done and sit at the computer, a dog absolutely MUST go out!  Or the son needs more toilet paper, and then, the other dog absolutely MUST go out!  And by then, of course, I MUST dash to the other bathroom.

Constant interruptions kill the creative drive.  When my characters start hanging out in the bathroom discussing their poop, I know I’m not going to get any useful writing done.  When I’m frantically trying to complete one paragraph and it’s taken me an hour, it’s time to admit my brain can’t handle the ongoing type two words-dash to bathroom-type a sentence-dash to door for dog-type, wait, what?  Where was I?!  Um, hmm, not happening.

And ya know what’s really frustrating?  While on the white throne, staring into space, obeying the needs of my poor body, my mind scrolls through whole pages of wonderful plot-progressing words…which promptly go bye-bye the second I dash back to the computer.

That’s it.  Who needs an office?  I’m setting up the laptop in the bathroom.  It’s quiet, I won’t be disturbed, I can attend to my needs and write at the same time!

Wait, what’s that god-awful, eyes watering, can’t breathe, smell?  Aww…poop!

 

Advertisements

The Toilet Paper Toss

At some point today, I bounced out of my funk, determined to be more cheerful.  I was sitting in the bathroom and realized someone-who-shall-not-be-named had used up the last of the toilet paper and left the empty roll sitting in the holder.  Unfortunately, I didn’t go shopping today, even though I knew that was the last roll of toilet paper.  I’d been hoping it would last until tomorrow.  Oops…

Swiveling into a contortion to reach the tissue box on the back of the toilet, I knocked some things onto the floor.  The tissues landed in the bathtub, just…out…of…reach.  Well, damn…

Our one cat, Trixie, is fascinated by the bathroom and will play in there.  She grabs hair scrunchies and jumps in the tub, batting them around.  Toss something in the toilet and she jumps on the rim to watch it magically swirl away when flushed.  I decided to use her to help me.  I grabbed the empty toilet paper roll and got her to play with it in the tub, trying to swat it out of my hand.  Closer, a bit closer, and, ah-ha!  She found the tissue box!  Startled, she jumped away from it, knocking it just close enough for me to grab.  Ah, I love it when a plan comes together!  Okay, no, I didn’t completely plan it, just kinda, sorta hoped…

The playtime in the bathroom awoke a pleasant memory…

My little sister and I used to play a game when we were stuck in a restaurant with the parents.  We’d eat as fast as we could, desperately trying to time our escape.  When the third or fourth drink was swallowed, the glasses slammed down, the hissing insults curdling the waitress’ ears, we’d say, “Excuse me,” and dash off to the ladies room.

We didn’t need to “go.”  We just wanted to be away from the embarrassing drunken scene in the restaurant.  Being kids who needed to stay in that rest room for awhile, we looked for a way to pass the time.  Back then, some restaurants kept their extra toilet paper rolls in plain sight – on the counter, the backs of the toilets, or in a cabinet under the sink.  This was back when rest rooms used normal household toilet paper rolls.

I don’t know which of us came up with the idea…  We’d each go in a stall, next to each other, with the extra toilet paper rolls evenly divvied up between us.  Then, we’d toss the rolls over the stall wall, attempting to land one in the other sister’s toilet bowl.

There were a couple of Rules to the game of Toilet Paper Toss:  You had to stand on the other side of the toilet bowl (we were only 9 and 10, short – thanks a lot, Mom and Dad – so we needed the room to throw the roll high over the wall, anyway.).  You could not block the toilet bowl and you could not stand on it to block it (Eewwacchhh!).  There were two ways to Score:  One point if you heard a “Woof!” or “Ow!”  That meant the other sister had been hit by your toilet paper roll.  Five points for actually getting a roll to land in the toilet bowl.  And the one with the most rolls in there was the winner.  You lost a point if your roll came apart and opened and unrolled during your toss, making more of a mess we’d have to clean up.

Yep, we did try to clean up.  We’d use paper towels to fish the rolls out, tuck them back in the cabinet, way back in the cabinet, wash our hands with lots of soap, and saunter on out of there, usually before Female Drunken Parent came hunting for us.  Male Drunken Parent would already be in the car, threatening to drive off without us.  We could ignore them by then, giggling softly to each other, buoyed by another fab round of Toilet Paper Toss.

Hey, you mix the good times with the bad.  Our game came to an end about a year later.  Clifton Knolls Country Club.  So many disastrous, drunken dinner fights there, don’t know why the staff didn’t throw our family out.  We only lived about a half mile away; we kids used to ride our bikes around the golf course at night and swim in the water hazards, then peddle madly home before someone saw us.  Little sis and I were playing TPT in the ladies room when, horror, an actual lady walked in!

It had been a messy round.  We’d both had rolls unravel over the stall walls, laughing too hard to hear the main door unlock and open (Club members had rest room keys.  We thought we were safely locked in, forgetting there were other people in the clubhouse.).  The lady shrieked and ordered us to clean up, where were our parents, what the hell…blah, blah, blah….

From that moment on, our older sister had the chore of escorting us – separately – to the rest room whenever we went anywhere.

A few years ago, my little sister and I visited Tucson, AZ,  meeting up together and sharing a hotel room, going to the casino, having a ball…Imagine my delighted laughter when one night, in the ladies room together, in separate stalls next to each other, a toilet paper roll came flying over the wall…Oh, yeah, baby, it is sooo ON!  😀