There are some days when I just know I am not going to get any proper writing done. Life is full of distractions and today’s distraction is…poop!
I wonder what started it? Was it yesterday’s ongoing cleaning of the fridge by eating all the leftovers? Was it a few too many (okay, possibly ten) cups of coffee? Maybe it was cookies, fried mushrooms, and crunchy cheetos…yeah, 3 am snack after karaoke. Oh, it isn’t just me. Son is having a poopy day, too. That wouldn’t be a problem – this house does have two bathrooms. But no, we made the mistake of letting the dogs help us rid the house of leftovers. (Yeah, yeah, I know, the so-called experts are freaking: “Ooo, never feed your pets People food!” Eh, frack off, ya idjits. Been doing it for years; our pets are healthier than we are and live longer than most people do!)
So, we are all in the bathrooms/out in the yard every fifteen minutes. Even this would be all right, if, if, we were all pooping at the same time. But no, as soon as I’m done and sit at the computer, a dog absolutely MUST go out! Or the son needs more toilet paper, and then, the other dog absolutely MUST go out! And by then, of course, I MUST dash to the other bathroom.
Constant interruptions kill the creative drive. When my characters start hanging out in the bathroom discussing their poop, I know I’m not going to get any useful writing done. When I’m frantically trying to complete one paragraph and it’s taken me an hour, it’s time to admit my brain can’t handle the ongoing type two words-dash to bathroom-type a sentence-dash to door for dog-type, wait, what? Where was I?! Um, hmm, not happening.
And ya know what’s really frustrating? While on the white throne, staring into space, obeying the needs of my poor body, my mind scrolls through whole pages of wonderful plot-progressing words…which promptly go bye-bye the second I dash back to the computer.
That’s it. Who needs an office? I’m setting up the laptop in the bathroom. It’s quiet, I won’t be disturbed, I can attend to my needs and write at the same time!
Wait, what’s that god-awful, eyes watering, can’t breathe, smell? Aww…poop!