Freeing the voices in my head

Machine Wars

My husband is so sweet.  He bought a bunch of golf gear, so he felt it was only fair to get me a new laptop.  Top of the line, powerful, has all the bells and whistles…and it hates me.

It boots up fast, it loads with impressive speed, it browses and plays games nicely…for about ten minutes.  Then, it decides to go offline.  I reboot, it refuses to connect.  I shut it down, unplug it, let it rest…it still won’t do a damn thing!  I check every other device and machine in the house that needs online connections, I unplug the router and plug it back in.  Comcast is notorious for just glitching out whenever it wants, but, nope, everything else is working.

How do I tell my sweet hubby the new laptop refuses to do anything?  I tried, but, you see, as with any machine that goes hinky on me, it works beautifully for HIM!

“What’s the problem?  What’d you do to it?  Ah, there you go; it’s working fine.”  We switch positions, I place my fingers on the keyboard and ten minutes later, give up as the laptop dies.

So, I have a new secret life:  Moments after he leaves for work, I play on the desktop.  Today, I decided to try my older laptop.  All my writing is on the old laptop; that’s right, the new laptop doesn’t have a Word Processor.  Or, I can’t find it and believe me, for the ten minutes I had before the damn thing died, I searched everywhere.  It has Microsoft Office but wants me register and pay and god knows what else to access it.  The thin booklet of instructions had nothing regarding Creating Documents or Writing.  Great, that’s not useful at all!

But, in an odd twist, the old laptop is being a happy trooper (knock wood).  It’s humming along, updated what was needed with swift efficiency, and is tempting me to spend the next few hours writing or commenting on blogs or finally enjoying my computer life without frustration and stress.

Now, if we could just figure out why the printer refuses to work, we’d be golden.  Then again, it might be best if I dig through the boxes in the garage and dust off my old electric typewriter…hmmm, given my losing battles with anything electronic (the big TV doesn’t like me much either) maybe I’d better go to an antique store and look for a manual typewriter…  😀


Comments on: "Machine Wars" (4)

  1. I’m with you on the gizmos. They drive me crazy. Each new one is worse than the one it replaced. But it sounds like there is something wrong with the new laptop. I’d take it back! Or smack it. Probably both.

    Nice to see you back here!

    • Well, see, taking it back might not be advisable. Because it works – for HOURS – for my husband! If I squeak out my problems with it, I’ll, once again, be the paranoid idiot of the family, but, but, it’s true! Machines have declared War on me! (Insert childish wailing here!) heh heh… 😀 (I’ll deal with it this weekend, probably, oh sigh…)

  2. This reminds me of years ago and your ongoing struggle with the lawn mower. Worked fine was Randy was home, but it was The Rise of the Machines the minute he left. You wrote a very funny essay about it and once contemplated doing it as part of a standup comedy routine.

    • Ah-ha! The Lawnmower From Hell! I still have that essay somewhere; it got rejected twice and before I could rework it to send out again, we packed up and moved. Yeah, it was too long for open mic standup…hee, thanks for reminding me! Now, which of the 5 or 6 boxes of printed writings is it in? 🙂

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